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| Credit – Gynelle Leon |
by aspiringprofessionalshub: https://aspiringprofessionalshub.com/2016/08/01/myphdstory-it-takes-resilience/
Why
do we love stories so much? Could it be because of that powerful space
it creates where our personal experiences connects with someone else?
We love stories in The Hub and in today’s article, Dr Yewande Pearse
shares her triumps and challenges enroute to the qualification called a
PhD! Amara got to learn about Yewande through her campaign and was (and remains) inspired by her journey. Enjoy!
APH: Please can you share your academic and professional background?
YP: I completed my BSc in Human Sciences at King’s College London in
2006. I then returned to King’s in 2009 to complete a Masters in
Neuroscience with a Distinction. After my Masters, I worked as a
Research Assistant for two years before taking up a PhD studentship at
the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology and Neuroscience. I have just
completed my PhD in Neuroscience, which aimed to explore the potential
for gene therapy in multiple forms of Batten Disease, a childhood brain
disorder.
In layman’s terms, can you share what your research study/area is about?
Batten Disease is a group of inherited disorders that cause profound
neurodegeneration and predominantly affect children. The symptoms are
progressively debilitating and include blindness, seizures, intellectual
decline and disability, dementia, loss of speech and motor impairment,
with many children eventually becoming wheelchair-bound. Currently,
there are no effective treatments available for any form of Batten
Disease. My research is about finding innovative ways to treat this
group of diseases with a focus on gene therapy.
So what is your PhD story? When did you realise that you
wanted to undertake a PhD and how did you get into one? Why did you
choose your topic?
After finishing my masters in Neuroscience, further study was the
last thing on my mind. I certainly did not want to go straight into a
PhD without really knowing what area of research motivated me enough to
dedicated three long years of blood, sweat and tears to and I had little
experience of what the lab work would actually entail day to day.
However, while my masters was incredibly challenging, I
felt a huge sense of achievement for what I had accomplished and was
eager to gain more practical experience so I applied for a job at a
leading lab in the field of Huntington’s Disease research, working on a
stem cell project. I learnt a lot in two years but eventually felt that
it was time for another challenge and decided that I wanted to do a PhD - preferably abroad.
In academia, as with most fields, networking is key.
Therefore, as well as applying for PhDs online, I also contacted an old
lecturer who taught on my masters programme. I remember his lectures on
a rare and fatal group of childhood brain disorder’s and his passion
really stayed with me.
What I liked about his work was that there was a direct link between
the work he was doing in the lab and the children and families who were
affected by the disease. I also remembered him giving a lecture on his
own academic journey, including the years he spent working abroad
(including the US) and was interested to find out how he secured these
opportunities. Before I knew it, I was in his office having a casual
chat. He told me that doing a Postdoc in the US was in many ways better
than doing a PhD in the US and that if I was interested in doing a
postdoc in the US, a good strategy would be to undertake my PhD in a lab
that had collaborators in the US.
Serendipitously, it turned out that he had just secured funding for a
PhD studentship in his own lab. By the time I left, I was sure I wanted
to apply for it and so I did. I got an interview and remember sitting
outside the room where I would have to give a five minute presentation
using just my words, a flipchart and a marker to convince three esteemed
researchers that they should select me. It was one of the scariest
interviews I have ever had but at the same time, the most rewarding
because it brought something out in me that I didn’t have the confidence
at the time to realise I had. I remember the answers flowing and being
received with enthusiastic nodding and approving “exactly’s”, “yes, very
good’s” and “absolutely’s”. I got the PhD and started about a month
later.
What has your PhD journey been like? Your exact picture? Any unexpected lessons learnt?
Overall, I am and will always be glad that I did a PhD. However, at
times, I seriously questioned whether or not I had made the right
decision. There were great parts such as the relationships I made, the
ownership I felt over my project, the freedom to work to my own
schedule, travelling to conferences abroad and learning through doing.
However, the best things about it were sometimes also the worst.
For
example, your PhD is
your PhD so yes, you have ownership over it and can work to your own schedule. But, if you don’t do the work, the work doesn’t get done.
That means that at times, you might find yourself working until
midnight to get an experiment finished on time, working weekends because
of the timing of an experiment, etc. There is no one to take over when
you’re tired, run down or when you would rather be doing something with
your friends. Also, learning through doing is one of the best ways to
grow intellectually but usually involves a lot of trial and error. Most
science doesn’t work the first time, meaning that being in the lab can
be a very frustrating experience. Although when things finally work,
there is no greater feeling of accomplishment.
My PhD started off with a lot of enthusiasm for the idea of what I would be doing but because I had some experience working in a lab,
I was also prepared for the sort of practical work I would be doing and
so I hit the ground running. In the first year, I spent a lot of time
thinking about my project, carrying out preliminary experiments and
‘setting up’ long term experiments. I also identified areas of the
original PhD proposal I wanted to change or expand and got to know my
collaborators. Mostly it was fun and fresh. I made friends, went to two
conferences including one family conference where I actually met lots of
Batten Disease families and most importantly got to know my supervisor.
The second year was one of the hardest as months in the lab
had not given me the data I expected and my motivation and enthusiasm
was beginning to dwindle. Things had not worked and I felt like
I wasn’t getting anywhere. By the third year, I had become good at
problem solving and trouble shooting and felt like I really knew what I
needed to do. I was responsible for supervising students and my meetings
with my supervisor began to change, feeling more like they were led by
me. The third year was when it became harder to maintain a work/life
balance. I was completely consumed by my project but the good news is
that it was paying off! I was getting somewhere. I didn’t have the data
yet but I knew I would get it.
And then BOOM. Disaster struck - there was a major
technical blow to my PhD project that was out of my control and no fault
of my own. I was devastated. Shock came before denial and then
depression.
I had to apply for a year’s extension and although what happened was
not my fault, I had to do most of the work to rectify it. With my
motivation destroyed, this was not easy to do. I felt that I had already
done the hard work and to do it again was not fair. However, from
somewhere, determination arose within me and I managed to power through
doing some of the hardest work of my life. Soon, data was being
generated and interesting results beginning to emerge. For the last 6
months of my PhD, I felt motivated again with the end in sight. Finally,
I finished my last experiment in the lab and after a short break was
ready for the final hurdle. Writing up.
Writing up in my fantasies sounded really fun - I would
be like my freelance friends. Having time to go to yoga in the morning
before making a hearty breakfast and reading the paper. Then I would
cycle to a cosy little café or the British Library to write up my thesis
while listening to music and occasionally taking the afternoon off to
go and see an exhibition. For me, sadly, this was not the case.
Writing up my thesis completely consumed every second of every minute
of every hour of every day. I spent every day in the university
library. I would wake up, go to the library, come home, sleep then
repeat. Some days would be productive, some days would be terrible and
throw me into panic. I didn’t have time to see friends and having moved
home to better concentrate on writing up, my mum and I became like
passing ships in the night.
I rarely had dinner at home, I would buy
food and eat it on a bench outside on my own feeling guilty for taking
more than 20 minutes. Of course. Everyone works differently, for me, my
perfectionism and single mindedness meant that I found it hard to
maintain a balance - I threw myself into it completely feeling that I
would not finish on time if I did otherwise. On the the 22
nd December 2015 I finally submitted a thesis that was almost 600 pages long and the rest is history as they say.
On reflection, I would say my PhD was not what I expected.
When I started my PhD, I felt a bit like an imposter but by the time I
finished, I felt like I had grown into it and was exactly what a PhD
student is meant to be - this change is what surprised me. I
learnt a lot.
The biggest lesson is that sometimes, there will be no
external gratification for your hard work and you must find fulfilment
from within. One thing I loved about my masters was that your
achievements were measurable and noted along the way. When I got a
distinction for an essay I had worked hard on, I felt a sense of reward.
But with a PhD, there is no ‘A*’ for getting an experiment to work. You
have to find other ways to motivate yourself, knowing that the reward
will not come until the very end.
Similarly, when your PhD is not going
well, it is quite an isolating experience, which can leave you feeling
quite lonely. Again, you have to find ways to motivate yourself to carry
on. This is an important life lesson because it teaches you to question
why you want to do things. This is why I would encourage people to
think carefully about their reasons for wanting to pursue a PhD. The
‘Dr’ title is a nice idea, but to get there, it will definitely not be
enough.
Congratulations on completing your PhD! As a female from a
BME background, you belong to two under-represented groups in science
research and academia overall. Any thoughts on this and suggestions on
what can be done to encourage more young people to choose a career in
science?
There was one other black female on my masters course and no other
black females in the department where I completed my PhD. There was a
black male PI (Principle Investigator, responsible for running a lab)
but no black females above my position. This was no anomaly. In STE
(Science, Technology, Economics) areas of academia, only 8.1% of
professors working in STE subjects are from BME backgrounds according to
the Equality in Higher Education Statistical Report, 2015.
Although I have not consciously allowed this to put me off a career
in academia, what I have realised is that at every stage I have been
more surprised than I should be that I have been able to progress. When I
got a place on the Neuroscience masters I was surprised, when I got a
job as a research assistant in a prestigious lab, I was surprised and
when I got a PhD I asked in my head “are you sure!?!”
My worry is that
the lack of diversity puts some females from BME backgrounds off
completely because when there is no one in a profession that looks like
you, how do you see yourself as part of that profession? Even at this
stage when BME people in academia are underrepresented, it is important
that platforms like blogs etc. make the BME woman who
are there seen within our community. It is not only that, but also a question of connecting.
Networking is the best way to progress in any field.
Through mentoring, sharing of information and even just support we can
encourage more young people to choose a career in science if that is
what they want. Indeed, they may not even know it is what they want as
without the presence of role models, it may not seem like an option.
I remember attending a conference in the US and an African American
Postdoc giving one of the best presentations of the whole conference.
She was amazing. I remember how I felt watching her - proud and
inspired. Imagine if we could see more BME women in science doing great
things and how that might inspire others.
What are your next steps?
I have been offered a postdoc position at The University of
California, Los Angeles (UCLA) working on stem cell research for the
treatment of sanfilippo syndrome, which is due to start at the end of
August. I am so excited to be continuing my work in the field. However,
there is one obstacle. Although I will eventually be paid a salary, I do
not have access to the funds needed for the initial costs of relocating
and living expenses.
Without savings, financial credit from a bank or
sponsorship, costs such as a deposit for accommodation, the first
month’s rent and general living expenses are very difficult to
cover. Therefore I am reaching out for support by starting a
GoFundMe
campaign to help me raise the funds. As you will see, I have tried my
best to raise the funds myself (working and selling things) but with
time running out, I still have some way to go to raise the amount I
need.
Thank you so much Yewande for sharing your story with us. If you
read this article and are able to support Yewande achieve her dream,
please do. Thank you!
by Dr Robert Muller
